Raised From Perdition

Thought Of The Night

2009-11-23T09:35:51Z

Every time someone describes Dean and Cas' relationship (or lack thereof) as complicated I am reminded of those hilarious fics out there where Castiel learns the ~internetz~ and I just picture him listing his relationship status on Facebook as "it's complicated".

Dean/Castiel "Assassin" Wallpaper

2009-11-22T09:28:37Z

Title: Assassin
Artist: MF Luder
Pairing: Dean/Castiel
Rating: PG
Size: 1200x800 (wallpaper)
Artist's Note: 2 versions under cut. Couldn't resist the new John Mayer cd.

Castiel was always the dependable one in the garrison, the one most receptive to his superiors commands. That was before he met Dean. He should never have gotten involved, he should have left and let another angel take over Dean's guidance towards his destiny. But Dean wasn't what Castiel was expecting; he certainly didn't expect him to steal his heart.

Resources:
azuremonkey@thefixedfoot
latexandleather
aoi_sama896

Enjoy for personal use, please don't claim as your own, etc, etc. You know the drill.

72 Dollhouse Icons

2009-11-22T08:26:12Z

[72] Dollhouse

Teaser:

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Created with angelamaria's Icon Table Generator @ Bauble

RESOURCE POST

Maker's Notes:

All made for dollhousestills
3 winner Challenge 46 Banner Maker's Choice
28 winner Challenge 48 Most Original
41 winner Challenge 50 Mod's Choice
57 winner Challenge 51 1st Place
62 winner Challenge 52 3rd Place

Comment, credit mf_luder_xf, enjoy!

Picture Help Again

2009-11-21T22:51:07Z

My Google-fu is failing me again. Anyone have large, preferably HQ, images of tough!Dean? I'm talking ones like from The End posing with a gun, etc. There's the one S1 promo with him and Sam holding a gun but I can't find it without all the promo info stamped across.

All help appreciated.

SPN Abandon All Hope

2009-11-20T06:15:53Z

Ok, we'll get the whiny parts over first. And this isn't in depth.

1. I want more Crowley. I felt his scenes went a bit too fast. I'd like to see him again though I find it doubtful we will. (A demon truly on their side? That'd be amazing.)
2. Why would they burn the picture at the end? You just take it to remember each other by and then when they die you burn it? Was it meant to be the best version of a hunters burial they could perform or something? I thought that was a really poor decision.
3. Where was Castiel at the end? He was in the photo, he'd met the girls. He's a huge part of this and they can't bother to show him grieving/standing with them?
4. On that note, I'm getting really annoyed with the writer's poor use of Cas. The Lucifer/Castiel scenes were good but lacked so much. Lucifer really thinks, "hey they don't like you anymore, join my team" is going to work on Castiel? I wanted to see some real manipulation, something gut-punching. I also feel like they're deliberately keeping him and Dean apart. There's little of the care, the staring, the companionship of the first few eps of this season season, even, much less the intensity of last season. I'm probably being over sensitive but come on.
5. It's not just Dean/Cas, though. I'm upset at the Dean/Sam stuff, too. Where is the love? No last words? No, "I love you, bro" or something? I may be pissed at Heroes for fucking up Nathan and the show in general, but the Petrelli interaction has always been good. Nathan and Peter fighting the second half of third season but they make up at the end and TELL each other they love the other. I don't need sobbing. But some indication of fraternity would be nice.
6. I would have like to have seen Tessa. I also thought playing "O Death" at the end would have been PERFECT.

Good things:

1. I actually cried at the Ellen/Jo bit. I don't recall ever crying in regards to the show (fanfic sure, but not the show). So, A+ there. They did that mother daughter scene so well.
2. The Crowley/old man kiss! OMG I burst out laughing!! Even better? One of my roommates caught the first 10 minutes or so with me and her face was so shocked I laughed even harder. I mean, it's not what you expect and especially never having seen a minute of the show before? It was hilarious. Also, seriously, that scene was just win. Crowley has an attitude and the old man just...I cracked up. perfect opening.
3. Cas seeing said gay!kiss and saying "it's going down"? My mind went all sorts of hilarious and dirty places.
4. UNF UNF, Castiel. That scene with him and Meg? Brilliant. Misha, you are a GOD. I hurt for him, though losing his powers. I mean, if Castiel really would be Heaven's next opponent, they're not going to have much of a fight. How does Lucifer have all his powers when Cas doesn't? But whatever, can't dwell on that inconsistency. Point being, he was creative, human, and fucking hot. And the little bit with him holding up his finger to his lips? Also hot. The close ups of Misha's face? GOOD GOD. Seriously, I want to die of the hot.
5. The Colt NOT working? AWESOME. They're really up shit creek without a paddle now!
6. Lucifer shining through his vessel? Creepy but AWESOME.

And in other news, I TOTALLY FUCKING CALLED JO AND ELLEN. The instant they said two people would die I knew it would be them. And everyone else called the going-to-die kiss. Although, the skeazy last-night-on-earth-sex bit was hilariously awkward.

Best parts? Crowley and Castiel being a BAMF. I want MOAR. Fanfic, come on guys.

Next episode? As I said over in ONTD, it feels similar to SGA's "The Real World". NOT my favorite episode. This one probably won't have any Castiel, either.

Another New Fic!

2009-11-20T00:12:18Z

Two in like, two weeks. Amazing, huh?

Title: Lacrimosa
Author: MF Luder
Pairing: future!Dean/future!Castiel, Dean/future!Castiel referred to
Keywords: slash, angst
Warnings: drugs
Rating: R
Word Count: 1,552
Spoilers: 5x04, “The End”
Disclaimer: They belong to the CW, Kripke, and whoever produces the show.
Archive: My LJ, anywhere else, just let me know.
Summary: As an angel, he’d felt so much. Not physically. Feeling transcended the physical plane. Instead, he’d felt the souls and minds of all around him. He’d felt God’s creation pulse with life. He had felt the universe spin. Now, there was nothing.
Feedback: skin.walker2y5@gmail.com
Author's Notes: Companion to Hi, I'm Icarus; I'm Falling. It's highly recommended you read that one first. This was originally an outtake. Then it expanded and got the better of me. Lacrimosa is Latin for “weeping”. Part of a sequence in the Requiem mass. Translation at the end. Big fat thank you to my beta siberian_skys who is kind enough to put up with me, fix my commas, and listen to my whining.

Lacrimosa dies illa
Qua resurget ex favilla
Judicandus homo reus.
Huic ergo parce, Deus:
Pie Jesu Domine,
Dona eis requiem. Amen.

Even after Jimmy’s soul departed in the altercation with Raphael, his body had still been simply a vessel. There was a weight on Castiel’s shoulders where his wings were and the rest of him felt light, like a fall jacket. Then one morning he awoke to a new found facticity.

Castiel never learned to hate until he learned to hate himself.

~~~

Castiel had become entrenched with the humans after he’d disobeyed his superiors and had his powers diminished as punishment. In the beginning he’d split his time between searching for God and protecting the Winchester brothers. He abandoned the search eventually; there were more urgent needs. People were dying in staggering numbers. Demons needed to be killed. Then the virus hit. Limited as his powers might have been, they were still enough to flush the sick clean.

Now that weight on his shoulders was gone and instead, his body held solidity it never had before. For the first few moments that morning Castiel couldn’t breathe, never having needed to before. He’d gasped for air, wondering if he was about to die so soon after losing his grace, before he could experience humanity. A very human notion entered his head. It wasn’t fair. He had done the right thing, he was sure of it. Yet the Host had abandoned him and now his head was silent; he could no longer hear the heavenly chorus.

Somehow he’d staggered out of bed and to the small bathroom mirror. He’d torn his shirt off and turned around, looking back over his shoulder. The two perfect scars extending from his shoulder blades to his waist were the only evidence that his wings had ever been there.

Even with his eyes swimming—tears, he’d realized—he’d managed to make it to the cabin next door where Dean was sprawled across his bed, reading the day’s newspaper when Castiel burst into his bedroom.

“What’s up?” Dean asked.

“It’s gone,” Castiel had responded, sucking in great gulps of air.

“What’s gone?” The paper was tossed away as Dean had crawled off the bed.

“They stripped away my grace, Dean.” His voice rose in volume and tone as he struggled to maintain his composure.

Comprehension had flickered across Dean’s features. “Those bastards.”

Castiel was drawn to him, stumbling, still unaccustomed to the feel of Jimmy’s body as his own. Dean had simply opened his arms to him and took his weight as Castiel collapsed. He’d arranged them so that Dean’s body cradled his on the bed. Dean murmured quietly in his ear, petted his hair, cheek pressed to his, one hand over Castiel’s heart to keep it from pounding out of his chest until they slipped into sleep.

Castiel blinked his eyes open at twilight. He’d felt warm and comfortable, but hollow. What he was—what he had been—was missing.

Dean still held him tight but when Castiel had tilted his head back, Dean had been out cold. That’s when Castiel had noticed Dean’s heady scent and the erection pressed into his lower back.

As an angel, he’d felt so much. Not physically. Feeling transcended the physical plane. Instead, he’d felt the souls and minds of all around him. He’d felt God’s creation pulse with life. He had felt the universe spin. Now, there was nothing.

That was probably what compelled him to tilt his head further back and let the vessel’s—his—lips brush Dean’s chin. The hairs there prickled his lips. Castiel liked it. He’d done it again, this time brushing his nose under the man’s chin, too. It made him wrinkle his nose in response to the sharp points and a thrill passed through him. His hands had been on Dean’s thighs. Using them as leverage, he’d ground back against Dean’s cock. He’d learned a lot in these years with the Winchesters and lust and temptation were on that list. He hadn’t felt it, but he understood the concept more concretely than when he’d first been returned to Earth after two millennia. But as he’d rubbed against the man behind him, he felt rolls of anticipation and desire pass through his gut. It made him quiver, something deep and visceral. He’d never felt anything so real. So now.

Unable to resist, he’d rubbed against Dean a second time, body shuddering at the sensation, and Dean had woken with a start.

Dean’d tried to push him away, a horrified look on his face. “Cas, what the hell?” He’d pressed a hand down over his erection, clearly embarrassed.

Castiel had looked at him and growled. “Dean. Fuck me.”

Dean had stared at him, eyes wide with a mixture of shock and lust.

“I need it, Dean. I need to feel. I’m empty.”

Castiel’d tugged Dean’s hand from his crotch and placed it on his chest, holding both of his own over it.

“Yeah, yeah. Ok, Cas.”

Later Castiel pondered Dean’s easy acceptance and wondered how long Dean had wanted it; wanted him.

At the time, though, Castiel had never been so grateful that Dean still listened to him. There had been frantic kissing and Castiel rubbing himself against Dean who’d wrapped his arms around him tight, holding him close; less protective and more possessive.

They got to Dean’s long fingers in his ass, other hand marking the back of his thigh with a hand-shaped bruise. And when that wasn’t enough, Castiel begged Dean for his cock.

Dean had looked sad, but Castiel hadn’t cared. He needed it.

They didn’t have lube handy and Dean pushed into him with only spit while he supported himself on hands and knees. He flinched and arched his back with the thrust that had hardly opened him. The next one had, though.

The pain, the pain. It was glorious.

“Jesus, are you ok? I’m hurting you. I’m stopping, Cas, God, I’m sorry…”

Dean’s panicked ramblings had invaded his ears slowly, hard to hear over the rushing sound of blood pumping through his veins. He’d reached back, gripping Dean’s hip. “Please,” he’d groaned.

Dean had been loud behind him crying out his name, blasphemies and endearments. Castiel had experienced his first sensations of wrath and pride and bitterness. It was his grand ‘fuck you’ to his brothers for leaving him on this God-forsaken planet. He’d smirked, imagining what Zachariah would have said.

Dean had come first, seed filling him, dribbling out and down his leg. After a moment, he’d continued thrusting, jacking Castiel off until he too came with a broken cry.

Dean had been so careful after: cleaning him up, smoothing his hair, kissing his forehead. Castiel had curled into a ball and clung to him.

“I don’t care,” Dean’d whispered. “I don’t care if you’re not an angel anymore. You’ll always have me at your back. We’re family, you hear?”

Castiel had only stared at Dean’s protective tattoo, gently tracing the intricate pattern with a trembling finger.

Days later, he’d come upon Dean shouting to the heavens in the woods behind their camp.

“Come on, you sons of bitches! I give in! Come and get me, Michael! I’ll do whatever you fucking want. Just get your asses back down here. Zachariah, I know you’re listening. You don’t get to leave us here, now. You started this whole mess, now fix it!”

Castiel listened, crouched behind a tree for the two hours Dean screamed himself hoarse.

“God damn you heavenly bastards. What you did to Cas; it’s not right. He deserves better than being one of us.”

That day, one week after losing his grace, Castiel smoked his first joint.

It felt like flying.

It didn’t start right away. Castiel thought he was fine. He and Dean continued their relationship for another year. One day, though, Castiel woke up and realized he couldn’t get out of bed without popping amphetamines and couldn’t go to sleep without washing down dinner with Chuck’s hard liquor. Dean had stopped touching him some time ago and now looked at him with disgust and pity.

That’s when he felt true hatred. It made him sick and he vomited for hours into a dusty bucket. Later that day, he fucked the first girl who looked at him through her eyelashes. She either didn’t notice or didn’t comment on the bad taste in his mouth. Or maybe that was just his imagination.

~~~

After Dean leaves in response to his bitter remarks, he doesn’t take the pills that his body craves. Instead, he lets himself listen to the silence—the silence of the room, the compound, but mostly to the silence of God and his angels.

He hugs his knees to his chest, placing his head upon them and lets the tears fall. And for the first time in years he prays to the Father who abandoned him. He prays that Dean can change this future.

Later that night, he will act as though the sex didn’t happen, as though he hadn’t been a righteous prick to the Dean from the past; he will grind his own pain into his Dean when he says “I like past you,” and he will learn he’s going to die because one thing Dean could never do was lie to him. And he’ll accept this.

But for now, he recites:

“Lacrimosa dies illa, qua resurget ex favilla judicandus homo reus. Huic ergo parce, Deus…”

Lacrimosa dies illa
Qua resurget ex favilla
Judicandus homo reus.
Huic ergo parce, Deus:
Pie Jesu Domine,
Dona eis requiem. Amen.

translates to:

Day of sadness,
on which will rise from ashes
guilty man for judgment.
So have mercy, O Lord, on this man.
Compassionate Lord Jesus,
grant them rest. Amen.

Heroes 4x10 Brother's Keeper

2009-11-18T04:40:01Z

I want to write fanfic SO bad after that episode. This weekend, right? Sometime over break I may go back to my Petrelli brothers. We'll see. I have three huge projects that need to be nearly done if not completely by the end of Thanksgiving break. But, I just...that's the original Heroes back. That's Nathan and Peter at their best.

I love you, Adrian Pasdar. You fuckin' knock it out of the park no matter what you do. My love for Nathan knows no bounds.

In conclusion...

BOYS ♥

A Brief Grr and A Brief Bit of Fringe

2009-11-14T06:43:39Z

Have people just not paid attention? MISHA WAS HIRED FOR A WHOLE SEASON. HE'S A REGULAR. THIS WAS STATED IN NONSPOILERY INTERVIEWS.

He won't be dying any time soon.

I'm frustrated by the denseness. Or something. I feel bitchy but come on. Stop wishing Castiel dead when it isn't going to happen. At least not any time soon.

This is me right now:

In other news, the last 2 minutes of this weeks Fringe has made up for the boringness of the past several eps. Also, the past two eps have felt very XF-ish. I approve.

Tonight's SPN

2009-11-13T03:06:09Z

1. So, I caught the last ten minutes of Vampire Diaries. And people talk about Twilight being bad? I felt like that chick was LARPing Bella Swan. Oh, that was painful. And the stoic vampire walking off into the woods. Not to mention, thanks to the lack of ANY lighting, you could hardly see anything.

2. My favorite part of this whole thing? Chuck crushing on Becky and the fact that Sam and Dean will have to put up with her for the rest of the apocalypse. LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL!!!!!

And then, the couple was sweet. I saw it coming. But Dean's awkwardness, but then saying he was good? Adorable.

3. WAS THAT DEAN KISSING JO?? I have no problem with it but Kripke is going to be killed in his sleep or something! All the Jo and Dean/Jo haterz will be out in full force. Again. HOLY HELL, KRIPKE.

Best of TV 2009

2009-11-12T05:54:46Z

Vote for 2009's best show: http://www.tvguide.com/PhotoGallery/Favorite-2009-1011839/16.aspx

My favorites are Castle, Supernatural, and NCIS--all of which are losing to Lie to Me. Go vote fellow fans!!

New Fic: Dean/Castiel

2009-11-07T20:35:14Z

So, according to my tags, the last time I posted a fic was just over a year ago. The last time I posted a Supernatural fic? 2.5 years ago! Well, hell. I'm going to hope this jump starts the muse for my two SPN WIPs (actually, I had started over the summer and then got distracted again). But it might have to wait until Thanksgiving; school's a bitch (God love grad school). Isn't that always the problem, though?

Whatever, I'm excited I wrote something and it's all thanks to Castiel.

Title: Hi, I’m Icarus; I’m Falling
Author: MF Luder
Pairing: Dean/future!Castiel, future!Dean/future!Castiel referred to
Keywords: slash, dub-con, PWP, angst
Warnings: asphyxiation kink, dubious consent (these are both so small I say only those very weak of fanfic heart should worry), drugs
Rating: NC-17
Word Count: 4,443
Spoilers: 5x04, “The End”
Disclaimer: They belong to the CW and all the producers.
Archive: My LJ, anywhere else, just let me know.
Summary: “You are, though. And you’ll never change. If there’s one thing I learned about you, it’s that. You’re a stubborn bastard. Just try not to take me down with you this time. Not to say it hasn’t been fun. Generally.”
Feedback: skin.walker2y5@gmail.com
Author's Notes: I’d had a 5x4 tag in mind. This is not it. This is merely porn. Carry on. Title from Regina Spektor’s song, Lacrimosa. Because I still can’t come up with titles on my own. Big thank you to my beta, rhymephile who was very quick and very good at fixing my awkward phrasing.

Companion fic to Lacrimosa.

Cas corners him after his little argument about his other self shooting someone in cold blood—Croat or not. Dean’s still pissed at Zachariah for sending him here—like some errant child—but now he’s more pissed at himself. Future him, whatever. He can’t believe he ever let it come to this.

“Dean. We need to talk.” High he might be, but Cas’ rough growl is reassuring. Dean’s not sure how he feels about that. He follows him anyway.

Entering Castiel’s personal whorehouse-slash-Buddha shrine, Dean feels the need to break the awkwardness with a joke. Thumbs in his pockets, smarmy grin on his face he asks:

“Where’s your harem?”

“I sent them home,” Cas responds with that strangely musical laugh that erupts at odd moments.

“Without their orgy?” Dean raises an eyebrow and gives a leer.

“I have more pressing interests at the moment. They understand.”

“I see. The holy talk makes you their god…”

Cas glances at him askew before a smile slides across his features. “Dean. Always with the humor.”

“What else you got in the apocalypse?”

“People, for one. Some of us have stayed by your side, Oh Fearless Leader.”

Dean grimaces. “Really, if you could save that for the other me, I’d appreciate it. It’s…weird.”

“As you wish,” Castiel inclines his head, looking just like Dean’s Cas if it weren’t for the hippie clothes and the far away glaze to his eyes.

“So, you wanted to talk to me?” Deans prods. He’s not really sure where this is going.

“Mmmm. Talk.”

Castiel’s eyes take on a new light as he appears to measure Dean from head to toe: calculating, sad, and…well, the only word Dean can use is hungry.

He’s seen that look before. Not the sadness, but the rest. From men, whores, the truck stop waitresses who don’t usually see anyone with all their teeth. It’s a look of lust.

And whoa, what is going on here?

“Uh, Cas?”

Castiel takes a step towards him, one hand stretching out as if to touch.

Dean takes a startled step back. This isn’t right. Castiel doesn’t look at Dean like that. He’s a dick with wings; friend, yes, but still a dick. More importantly, he’s an angel. Holy. Pure. And even if it doesn’t apply anymore, there’s still something wrong about that look.

The hand stays up, placating now, gentle like Castiel is trying to settle an animal.

“I realize how strange this is to you, Dean. I admit I didn’t expect it myself.” He laughs again, lilting. “But then you showed up and you’re you, the you I used to know. I just…please.”

The plea comes out whispered and the man in front of him shudders and takes another step forward.

“Please, what?” He’s not playing entirely dumb. While he gets what Castiel is asking, asking of him, this is entirely new and he’s feeling entirely out of place. Dean is flustered and he doesn’t like it.

“It’s been so long.” Castiel has crept closer now and there’s a hand on his sleeve. The hand moves up slowly—Dean watches it all like it isn’t him, like it isn’t Castiel’s hand moving—until it curls around the point where shoulder meets neck. The hand isn’t gentle anymore. Instead, the pressure of it flutters, like Cas is nervous or barely restraining himself. The expression on his face indicates the latter. The sadness and hunger is now mixed with determination, with a wildness that Dean isn’t entirely sure is brought on by the drugs.

Dean can’t say he hasn’t thought about this. Well, not this. But when Castiel has gotten too close to his face or the night when he woke up with Castiel perched on his bed—and instead of being creeped out he was reassured—in those times he’s wondered. Abstractly.

He’s distracted from his train of thought though, when Cas’ other hand rubs him through jeans and underwear. Dean lets out a gasp he never meant to.

“Cas. I don’t want…please stop. This isn’t right. It’s not you.”

Even as he says it though, his body is betraying him, leaning just the slightest bit into the touch, wanting more. He refuses to acknowledge it, stepping away until he hits something solid behind him.

He’s backed up against the footboard of the bed. Castiel drops to his knees and then his mouth is right there, rubbing and mouthing wantonly against Dean’s crotch, moaning lowly, whimpering slightly.

“Let me, Dean, please. Please. Please, Dean, let me be your whore, I want to be your whore. It’s been so long since you’ve let me touch you.” There’s desperation in his mumbled tone as well as the words.

His hands are now on Dean’s hips, crushing hard and Dean’s wondering if he’ll have bruises. That mouth is wicked even through layers of fabric and he can’t help it, he’s getting hard.

“Castiel. What are you doing? Stop, please.” Because he can’t be at fault for ruining an angel, his angel. God can’t want that, right?

But Cas doesn’t stop. His long fingers slip up the hem of Dean’s shirt, smoothing right over hip bones, tickling almost, and only then does Cas’ so long since you’ve let me touch you sink in. Castiel knows him. They’ve done this before. The thought simultaneously sends a rolling pitch through his stomach and the first burst of real desire to Dean’s gut. He’s going to Hell. In fact, he thinks he’ll be there for five eternities at this rate.

Castiel looks up at him, eyes glazed and pupils blown. “Please.”

But even as he’s speaking, he’s unzipping Dean’s jeans and pulling his cock through the gap in his boxers. He doesn’t wait for Dean to actually give permission. He starts going to town, licking and sucking at the head. And so help him God, Dean lets him.

Castiel is apparently a pro and he’s fully hard now. He’s slowed down his initial ferocious attack and is taking him in slow and soft, wet and hot. He sucks at the tip, tickling the sensitive bundle of nerves beneath the head with his tongue. It feels amazing and Dean’s breath is definitely coming quicker now.

Then Cas takes him all the way into his mouth, nose brushing Dean’s pelvis, and swallows.

Dean keens in the back of his throat. His hands flail for purchase, ending up in Cas’ hair. It’s grown out from his what he’s used to and the angel’s bangs hide his eyes until Dean tugs them and forces Castiel to look at him.

His eyes flutter between half-shut and closed, and he’s making noises around Dean’s dick, sending vibrations up and down the shaft. Dean’s not going to last long, struggling to keep his own eyes open and keep his hips from rocking forward too much. Cas has different plans though, and the insistent digging in of his fingers into Dean’s hipbones tells him it’s okay to fuck his face.

So Dean stops holding back. He’s moaning out loud and breathing hard, rocking his hips in and out slowly, one hand trained along Cas’ jaw to feel himself there. The other hand is still tangled in his too-long hair, forcing his face into his crotch. The angel’s nose keeps a beat as it rubs against Dean on every intake of his cock. Dean speeds it up, moving faster, thrusting harder and Cas has tears shining in his eyes and he probably can’t breathe but he isn’t complaining and he isn’t choking so Dean takes and takes.

He pulls out in time to come all over Cas’ face, name on his lips exhaled in a groan of pleasure. Come is dripping from the angel’s dark eyelashes, shining on his lips where he licks it off. Dean hauls him to his feet. Castiel’s lips look abused, red and raw and full. Dean kisses him anyway, catching his own taste as he does.

He tugs off his shirt and gently wipes the stickiness from Castiel’s face as the other man practically purrs and melts into Dean. He gently paws at Dean, not really in a sexual manner; more in ownership, as though he hasn’t had any human contact in awhile.

Dean can’t help but wonder if he’s another in a long string of replacements for the Heavenly Host. Booze, drugs, sex, Dean. It saddens him, knowing Castiel has—quite literally—been brought to his knees, mired in all of humanity’s filth and sin.

He turns his head a little and lays a small kiss on the side of his angel’s head, right above his ear. There’s gray there now, he can see. It makes him feel even guiltier when all he smells is sex, generic soap, and a whiff of weed. In his own time, whenever Castiel invades his space he somehow smells of wind and the beginnings of spring. Dean’s not sure if he should be angry at Castiel, himself, Lucifer, or God for the mess Castiel is now.

Before Dean can properly move, Castiel is sliding a hand up along his neck, pressing his thumb into the hollow of Dean’s throat—and that’s the first indication that they really have done this before; it’s not accidental—kissing him and holding onto Dean’s pants by the belt as he shuffle-walks them around the bed, sprawling out and pulling Dean on top of him. Somehow, he’s also undone the top of his own jeans and he isn’t wearing underwear.

Dean leans up, not really comfortable. “What are you doing?” he asks softly.

“What do you think?” Castiel responds in a colloquial manner and it sounds wrong. Two days ago he still talked in clipped sentences. This sudden shift to human Castiel is giving him whiplash.

Dean’s trying to think but Cas is rubbing up against him, and his dick is bobbing up against his stomach. It’s thick and long, something Dean can’t cover with one hand. In the fading light shining through the windows, Dean can see it’s flushed a nice dull red. He spares a thought that Jimmy was hiding that beneath his tax accountant suits and religious beliefs.

“Cas, stop,” he pleads with the last remaining thread of dignity and resolve he has.

“I don’t want to, Dean. Neither do you.” Castiel drags his thigh up against his already hardening cock as proof.

He shifts, placing his elbows on either side of Cas’ shoulders, heaving a sigh that doesn’t really fit the situation but fits his circling thoughts and drops his head to the angel’s chest. He’s got a tattoo now, too, showing through the open collar. Dean kisses it, absently.

“Do you have…anything?”

Cas grins and it’s beautiful and so unlike him it shoots a stab of pain through Dean’s chest. He shimmies up the bed and reaches into the nightstand drawer.

It’s wrong that someone should have so many condoms. Especially considering it’s the apocalypse.

But Dean gives in. Was he really going to do anything else? Maybe this was always the next step. For him, at least. He can’t imagine a non-fallen Castiel wanting Dean to fuck him senseless. But he’ll take what he’s being offered. And when he gets home and can’t look his angel in the eye, he doubts Castiel will guess why.

Dean stands and quickly disrobes. Castiel is leaning against the headboard, pants about his thighs; shirt rucked up about his waist, cock jutting up. His hands are running up and down his chest slowly, clearly enjoying the sensations if his little puffs of breath are anything to go by. Dean wonders what kind of drugs he might be on now.

He pushes that thought away though and crawls up the bed to where Cas is waiting, pulling the angel’s pants off and tossing them over the side on his way up. He sits in Cas’ lap so that their cocks line up against each other. Cas moans as Dean’s weight settles and immediately moves in for a kiss.

The kiss is slow at first. Cas’ tongue is immediately in his mouth, though, and they kiss forever: wet and hot. Cas slides his tongue along Dean’s lips, smiling as he does, then dives in and they battle for control but it’s still leisurely like they have all time in the world. Dean’s hands glide up beneath Cas’ shirt working it until it’s bunched at his armpits. Once there, he flicks at apparently sensitive nipples, Castiel shuddering up and into him. Their cocks move in tandem and Dean bites back a whimper.

Cas’ lips manage to be chapped even five years in the future, but they’re still full from his expert blow job and Dean finds himself nipping at them constantly in between trying to shove his tongue as far down Cas’ throat as possible.

He can’t imagine his version of Castiel kissing like this, with wild abandon. But while he knows his Cas is a virgin and this one’s a slut, there’s something about the idea of a still-angelic Castiel kissing him hard and with inexperience. Dean shoots out a hand against the headboard to control himself as he visualizes it, knuckles turning white at the image. He bucks into Cas and it’s time to move this party along.

He tugs at Cas’ tunic until the other man lifts his arms and he can throw it onto the floor. He keeps Cas’ arms pinned up against the wall, leaning in to bite at his lips, missing, then diving in again. Cas lets out these little broken off noises as he struggles against Dean. Not hard enough to get away, but enough for Dean to have to use both hands, shifting himself closer, cock now rubbing against Cas’ stomach and chest as he stretches down to nibble ears and run his nose through dark hair.

Castiel smells like the faintest traces of day-old sweat. For some reason that turns Dean on more and he noses a bit behind Cas’ ear, mouth open and breathing hot.

“Dean,” Castiel moans out and Dean lets him go, gliding his hands tight over the angel’s buttock on the way, sliding him down the bed.

Now that Cas is completely naked, he stretches out, shifting his body this way and that, performing. It’s one hell of a sight. The angel is miles of pale slender and supple muscle, dark hair dusting his crotch and his legs. Even his feet are graceful. Dean wonders if Jimmy was this graceful or if it’s all Castiel. Doesn’t really matter now.

His eyes flutter open: vivid blue, lust-bright, searching.

“Dean,” he moans out again. “Fuck me. Fuck me, Dean, please.”

His lips are parted obscenely, his chest heaving with breath, dick jutting up even as his hands stroke up and down the shaft.

He lets out a growl in the back of his throat before manhandling Cas over onto his stomach. Cas just follows his lead smoothly, staring back over his shoulder, hands splayed on the sheets. His eyes are lidded, his tongue swipes his lips.

But Dean is distracted by something else. His fingers follow one of two thin lines that are obviously scars down Castiel’s back.

“What happened?”

In a tone far more reminiscent of his own Castiel than this one, Cas replies flatly, “I don’t want to talk about it.”

“Are these…are these from your wings?”

Dean is shocked. His stomach turns. He knew it—Cas had told him—but still. To see evidence that the angels have left not only humanity but their own brother too by apparently ripping off his wings. It makes him sick.

“I said I don’t want to talk about it. Just fuck me.”

Dean’s not sure he wants to continue, confronted by this travesty. It pulls him out of the moment. But he lets his hands slip down Cas’ back, following the scars until they slide over his round and muscular ass.

“Yes, Dean. God, yes.”

Blasphemy now, too. Even as Dean’s spreading the angel’s butt cheeks in the back of his mind he’s calculating all the things wrong with this scene, with this future. It can’t happen. Even as he prepares to fuck his friend, his guardian angel, he knows this can never happen again. He won’t let it. Not in this life.

He looks down at the picture he’s made: Castiel up on his knees, face mashed into the bed, moving his hips so he can get pressure on his dick all while Dean is holding him open, vulnerable. It’s a beautiful, debauched sight.

He bends down and nips at the base of Castiel’s spine. He moves lower until he can practically taste Cas on the back of his tongue. He takes a good solid bite—not enough to break skin though—and gets a face full of ass as Castiel jerks in reaction.

He laughs even as Castiel grunts at him to get a move on.

“Got any lube stashed in that drawer, too?”

“I don’t need any,” comes the mumbled response.

“Excuse me?” Dean blinks.

Cas turns his head. “I said, I don’t need it.”

“Are you sure?” This is fucked up enough already; he doesn’t need to cause pain.

“Dean.” Castiel’s tone conveys a lot of things. Confidence for one. “I’m fine.”

Dean nods. He spits generously into his hand, however, before gliding it along Cas’ crack, making it slick. His thumb goes in easy. The body beneath him shudders with the action.

He dips it in again then alternates, running his fingers through his own spit, over Castiel’s ass. Gentle, teasing, never in one place for long. He’s rewarded by sighs that get louder and transcend into moans. He keeps going, sliding in his middle finger to find and rub against that bundle of nerves. With that Castiel bucks and begins a litany of godyesohgodohDeanDeanDeanohgodyes…

Dean can’t take it anymore. He’s fast losing his cool and he needs to feel Castiel’s heat wrapped around his cock before he comes. He hastily puts a condom on, letting its wrapping fall to the ground.

He shifts and grips tighter at the junction of pelvis and thighs, positioning Cas so that his hips are high in the air and his back is one long concave curve of spine. He keeps one hand pressing Castiel down so he doesn’t uncurl as he enters him, long and slow. After the first moment it’s a tight fit and he can feel Cas trying to shift his hips to get used to the pressure. They’re delicious, those little rolls.

Dean uses his thighs to spread Cas’ legs open further, getting himself closer, shoving in deeper. He pauses when he’s all the way in. He can feel Castiel trembling beneath him; hear his harsh intake of breath. Dean’s trying to breathe through his nose to calm himself. It’s been a surprisingly long time since he’s done this and his body is so overwhelmed it wants to climax now.

As he acclimates to the hot pressure he palms at Cas’ cock, keeping it hard. He finds one of Castiel’s hands there and instinctively wraps their fingers together, jacking him off in tandem.

“Mmmm, Dean…”

“That’s it. Oh, God, you feel so good.”

He falls back on cliché lines—even if it’s true—because he can’t voice his actual feelings. Partially, he has no idea what the conflicting thoughts in his head indicate. And partly, he can feel himself growing attached. To the sex, to the man. Cas is like steel beneath his hands: pliable and giving. But beneath the sex, beneath the drugs, still lies the heart and soul of an angel of the Lord and its terrifyingly exhilarating.

It should be just sex. After all, he knows where Cas has been (or rather, he doesn’t know). But it’s Castiel and that somehow makes it special. The angel raised him out of hell and while he wasn’t the greatest help, he had been their only help for over a year now. Castiel had given up so much for Dean.

If he and Cas were lovers, he can’t imagine giving him up, even this fallen, broken version.

Then again, he’s met the dick of himself.

Having composed himself, he draws his hips back, slipping all the way out, gripping Cas’ buttocks tight before driving in quick and fast. That receives a choked gasp and Dean is pleased.

He keeps up a brutal pace, wanting to leave his mark, fingers digging into giving skin. He knows there will be bruises tomorrow and it’s pathetic, but he doesn’t want this Castiel to forget this version of himself.

Castiel is writhing beneath him, straining his neck, curving his back further than Dean thought was possible. There’s a keen coming from somewhere in his throat. Dean can see the flush that’s settled on his cheeks; see the sweat sprinkling across his brow making his bangs damp. It’s incredibly visual and Dean almost forgets that he can feel it too, so wrapped up in the image of Cas brazenly shoving back against his dick. He doesn’t seem at all guilty or like he feels shame. He’s lost in the moment, Dean’s name a constant breath on his lips.

Dean changes positions, feeling the slow burn travel through his limbs as he gets closer to coming. He leans over Castiel’s body, stretching his arms along the other man’s until he grips hands tight in his. He’s got far less maneuverability and he can’t fuck as fast, but the new angle is obviously just right for Castiel as he lets out a yelp and then a groan of pleasure.

“You always know what I want, Dean. What I need.”

Castiel’s voice is low and deep and Dean can feel it rumble through his chest. It’s sexy as hell, even if it shouldn’t be. His words are punctuated with another loud groan.

He pulls out as far as can, rolling his hips as he pushes back in. Castiel catches his rhythm and they grind together as Dean nips at what bits of neck and ear he can reach. He lets out a whimper as the fire builds in his veins.

“Are you going to come, Cas? Can you come without touching your dick? With me just shoving my cock in your ass? Come for me. Cas, God, want you. Want you to come. Come, come for me.”

“Yes. Going to come. Dean…!”

He feels Castiel tense up underneath him and he tilts his hips just a bit more at the last moment and he feels Cas come apart under him, shudders racking his body, ass closing tighter around his dick.

That’s enough to send Dean over the edge, gripping Cas’ hands tight as his head falls to rest between his shoulder blades as he comes in a blinding flash of pleasure.

When it’s passed and his hips have stopped stuttering, he presses a kiss to the skin beneath him before sliding out and collapsing onto the bed, one hand on his chest. He lazily runs the hand up and down over still sensitive skin. He slides the condom off. He reaches out to smooth his hand over Cas’ side and flank. His eyes follow the scars again. Bastards.

“Wow, Cas. That was…amazing seems to be putting it lightly.”

He hears the other man give a choked off laugh, turning on his side in the process—away from Dean.

“I guess those girls taught you a few tricks.” He’s uncertain now and joking always seems to make it better.

Especially when you’ve just had sex with a former angel.

Castiel doesn’t say anything back. Which might be expected of his Cas, but this one has been pretty chatty. He’s shaking, too. Just a little. More like a twitch to his shoulder.

“Cas? Everything ok?”

He turns his own body, propping himself up on his elbow and presses another kiss to Cas’ back in front of him. It gets no reaction, though. No words. No grin or laugh.

It isn’t until Dean puts a hand on Cas’ shoulder, and actually looks at Cas that he gets it. Cas is crying. There are fresh tears rolling down his face, pooling in the dip between cheek and nose before dripping onto the pillow.

“God, what’s wrong? Did I hurt you?”

“Not yet,” Castiel chokes out in a tone bitter and mocking. He shrugs Dean’s hand off violently, sitting up, hunched over. He reaches into the nightstand and pulls out an already rolled up joint.

He ignores Dean as he lights it, taking a puff. Two. Three and he’s a lot calmer. The glaze begins to creep into his eyes again and his mouth pulls into a twisted smile.

“Now there’s the expression I’m used to from Dean Winchester. Disgust. Disappointment.”

Dean wipes his face blank. Whiplash, again. This isn’t Castiel. It isn’t even the man who was begging to touch Dean. He doesn’t know what went so wrong and it hurts worse than a punch to his gut. He wants to make this right. He has to.

“Well, Fearless Leader, I’m ready for another round. How ‘bout you?”

Dean stands and dresses quickly, feeling sick. “I’ll pass, thanks.”

This is Cas without drugs: broken and bitter. The real world has crushed his faith. He’s got nothing left and somehow, Dean’s at fault for it all.

Cas grabs his wrist before he can leave. His blue eyes are shining when Dean looks into them and he appears lucid. “Tell me. Is it the drugs or the sex that bothers you? That make you look at me so disgusted? Or is it that I can’t fight your war for you anymore? That you failed—you waited too long before saying yes to Michael—and I’m the eternal reminder?”

Dean speaks quietly. “I’m not him.”

Cas laughs, bitterly, before taking another drag.

Dean will never be able to stand the smell of weed again.

“You are, though. And you’ll never change. If there’s one thing I learned about you, it’s that. You’re a stubborn bastard. Just try not to take me down with you this time.” He stabs at the top of the nightstand with the joint, putting it out and letting Dean go in the process. “Not to say it hasn’t been fun. Generally.”

The stoned grin is back on his face. Dean doesn’t have the heart—or the balls—to tell him he looks better when he’s got his panties in a bunch over Dean’s sheer incompetence. He just sighs and walks out. Out of the cabin and into the dank, pale sunlight.

He will change this. He won’t make the same mistakes. For Sam’s sake. For the sake of the world. For Cas.

mf_luder_xf @ 2009-11-07T03:19:00

2009-11-07T09:21:06Z

"Uhhh...what are you doing here?"

BEST. LINE. EVER.

Oh, you know. Hanging out. Taking a break from the apocalypse.

HAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHHA!!!

Beta?

2009-11-06T01:20:06Z

Anyone willing to beta just over 4,000 words of Dean/Castiel fic for me? I was going to be lazy and not bother with one, but some small bit of plot managed to worm its way in. It's basically porn, though. Just warning.

Any takers?

Help?

2009-11-05T04:46:55Z

Anyone have any really good caps of people crying from TV shows? I just went through all my pictures and no one's crying in a single one. I know I can go through cap sites, but a)I'm feeling lazy (yes, I admit it) and b) I thought it would be interesting to get ones I don't already know off the top of my head (mainly, this is XF's Memento Mori and SPN's Children Shouldn't Play with Dead Things). I'm not picky on the show, but I think you all know the vast majority of my fandoms.

Does Nathan ever cry? I really can't recall...

Reasons Why I Love Melrose Place

2009-11-04T23:23:40Z

So, yeah. Everyone watching bitches about how it's so bad and especially about Ashlee Simpson, but I don't care (also, why are you watching if you hate it?). This show's my guilty pleasure because the cheesy lines work, the actors are actually decent (hey, I don't think Ashlee's that bad. She plays creepy well.), and it's so damn pretty. I like to think it can last longer than one season. So have my list of top 5 reasons why I watch this show.

1. The gratuitous sex scenes.

Ok, so we don't get full frontal or anything, but there's lots of action going on for almost everyone. It's hot, it's sexy. And most of my other shows are so drama filled, they don't have time for sex. More importantly, the way they shoot the scenes, the lighting, the music, the shots make it just about the sex. It's nice to not have something complicated.

2. The pretty, pretty people.

Seriously, I would do them all. Even the girls. Katie Cassidy (Ella) is so full of attitude and confidence and I just adore her. David is the all-American good looking trust fund brat (without the trust fund). Auggie, murderer that he is, has muscles bulging everywhere and beautiful dark hair. Lauren? STUNNING.

3. It's not afraid to shy away from more...controversial topics.

Ok, I get that stealing and murder aren't controversial in TV land. But the student floundering under med school bills and turning to prostitution? That I get. And while it's used for dramatic effect (she can't chance her friends finding out, etc), I think it speaks to a lot of us. I may not have the high bills right now thanks to loans, but it'll be there waiting for me someday. The moral dilemma is topical and fascinating.

4. The clothes.

Everyone has these awesome clothes. Especially Ella and Lauren. I want to steal all of their wardrobes.

5. The colors and atmosphere.

This show is so colorful! Not just the clothes, but the California sunshine, the pool, the greenery, the bright white of Ella's office mixed with still-vivid neutrals of the apartment complex. Riley as a first grade teacher brings out this fun, creative aspect in her clothes and her character which results in paint splotches and such that brighten up the set even more. On top of the saturation, the lighting is a bright white that plays it up. Again, it's all pretty and shiny. The colors certainly reflect the goal of the producer's making this a new Melrose Place adaptation. It's also a great technique because under all the bright and shiny is manipulation and murder. What's darker than that?

So it's not Shakespeare. Not everything has to be.

Day of the Dead

2009-11-03T04:30:49Z

YOU GUISE. THE UNTHINKABLE HAS HAPPENED (EVEN IF I ALREADY GUESSED IT). I AM INCONSOLABLE.

SPAM ME WITH YOUR FAVORITE ADRIAN PASDAR, NATHAN PETRELLI, AND BROMANTIC MOMENTS (OF THE NATHAN/PETER OR ADRIAN/MILO FORM) AND THEN I WILL COMPILE THEM INTO ONE EPIC MOURNING POST.

Here, have a gif as consolation for all SOBBING like me. (Seriously, can't even get into the Castiel goodies right now because...WAH. Castiel is close becoming my third favorite ever, but Nathan is my second. That's two that have now passed beyond the pail--I'd say grave, but Mulder isn't dead. And yes, I know he's been killed 7 times. WHICH IS WHY HE STILLS LIVES IN MY HEAD. But I will suffer this as the end on the show. GTFO, Kring and NBC.)

This post needs more nekkid!Nathan.

Heroes 4x6 and 4x7

2009-11-01T16:09:50Z

1. Mohinder's name was mentioned! This is the first time in all 7 eps, I'm pretty sure. Also, the way Sylar said "research", jealous much?lol

2. Peter was...awesome.

3. I like Emma better after getting to know her through Hiro. Hiro always brings out the best in people.

4. Poor Hiro, off to save Charlie. Let's just hope he gets back in time and that Peter still has his ability by then.

5. The Jeremy story was lame. I mean, the ending was tragic and sad, but the rest was lame and emo and he wasn't attractive at all. Which, I know, should not be a stipulation. But his hair pissed me off. And he reminded me of the son of the woman Jack Bauer was dating in S2 or 3 that annoyed me so much, too.

6. Yeah, I didn't think Sylar was giving up that easy.

7. Samuel just ticks me off. And why is no one talking about the strange man and his carnival? Maybe people would catch on quicker. Also, he tells Sylar!Nathan!Sylar (I really don't know what to refer to him as at this point) that *they* made him this way. And then he's doing his best to make Sylar that way again. JERK.

8. What's up with Sylar!Nathan!Sylar being Zachary Quinto? I guess it makes sense that he's not Nathan or Sylar right now so there's some sort of base personality that seems to be gener/combination of them both, but he's got the plaid shirts and the fug hat and it's like breaking down the 4th wall. All he needs is a Spock joke now.

9. I miss Adrian. Is he ever coming back? This is what I knew would happen and all the Sylar fans were bemoaning the loss of Sylar. STFU. Yes, I'm a Sylar fan, too. But I want Nathan back!!

10. I'm glad Claire knows about that carnival chick now (even if she doesn't know about the carnival bit). Although the "I need *you*" was a bit dramatic. I feel for Gretchen, though. And lol at her shock of Claire being a virgin. Psssht, we know she's not. cough*Peter*cough

11. I loved Noah's crusade even if I didn't like Jeremy. Although I felt bad because it all went wrong, anyway. And also, Tracey is damn needy to believe Samuel and ditch Noah like that. Grr. I like her characterization better finally, but I don't like her as a character all that much. The writing's better, but I've never been a huge fan of the Ali storylines.

The Curious Case of Dean Winchester

2009-10-30T19:06:00Z

Hmm, so this week's ep. It was a nice Bobby ep and the witches were interesting characters, but in general, I didn't feel much for it. Was it just me? Should I have been crying? I felt like I was supposed to. And, I mean, it was a nice ep. But that's it. Nice. A lot of the humor felt stereotypical and repetitive and you knew it was all going to work out. I wasn't bored, but I wasn't thrilled.

I admit, I was more excited over this week's Castle ep. But then, poking fun at Joss' other shows throughout the whole ep was hilarious. And it was nice to see Nathan back as Mal. And his daughter's comments about there being no cows in space and didn't he wear that 5 years ago? He needs to let it go. LOL!!

Damned if you do, damned if you don't

2009-10-18T20:10:39Z

You know, I don't think I will ever understand the sheer hate that lies in the fandoms of Stargate: Atlantis and Supernatural. I mean, both shows have served their purpose. While there are certainly some writing issues, that happens in every show. But people become so defensive of their characters and it's like, I realize I'm heavily involved too, but IT'S JUST A TV SHOW. And if you really dislike it that much, STOP WATCHING. It's not worth your time and stress, you know?

I have never hated a character I wasn't supposed to (and frankly, that one and only role is Diana Fowley, stupid bitch). I may have extreme dislike (the twins on Heroes), but I don't hate. And I don't understand the need to shove my hate off on others same as i don't get shoving my OTP off on others. I've always been ok with het and slash and kinks and the like. if I'm not interested, I won't read it. But I don't feel the need to rage at someone because their tastes don't line up with mine or blame writers/actors for something I don't particularly like on my show. TV writing is a process of bargaining, much like government. We don't all like the laws passed, but they came out of several people's creations and time and effort. There are as many anti-gun people as pro-gun people. We can't make everyone happy. And quite frankly, I see more people up in arms (heh) about TV show characters than about the things that matter like the ability of criminal offenders to not have to go through background checks. At each stage, multiple people want to see something different from a show. Just watch the movie "The TV Set" with David Duchovny. Prime example of how TV is made. Read Joe Mallozzi's blog. The man is not out to get Sam/Jack shippers or McSheppers or out to kill off Atlantis. He may be a producer, but he still has to deal with the networks and larger forces. He didn't single-handedly cancel Atlantis out of spite. He would have been being double-paid if SGA and SGU were on.

Sometimes, there are legitimate reasons for disliking a show's progression. I gotta admit, the Stargate universe doesn't tend to put people of different colors in the best roles. Teyla and Ronon were underused, Teal'c was an alien, etc, etc. But I don't believe all the main deciders on the production staffs are racist. Not every character on Supernatural gets in the way of the brothers. They enhance their relationship. Two people don't operate in isolation. There will be people, supernatural things trying to manipulate them. How they deal with it is part of what makes the show good. Us vs Them doesn't mean Us and only Us. So for all you Ruby haters, congrats, you outguessed the rest of us. But Jo never did anything to you. She's not evil, she wasn't trying to break up the brothers.

Until recently, I was always in the Wincest camp. And while I can understand not liking Wincest, all you have to do is not read it. Now that I'm reading Dean/Cas, I'm suddenly getting even more of that ("this story is so good I can't believe I read it, there's *Wincest* in it!), and then I'm getting all the Dean/Cas hate from Wincesters. No compatibility, really? And why do we all have to hate one another's ships. GIVE IT A REST. We all talk about toleration and being acceptable of differences; we can't be a bit ship-flexible?

I never understood how there could be so much love and hate for McKay, either. How can you hate a main character of a show and still watch it? People who were so down on any McKay eps made no sense to me. His flaws were what made him interesting. Same with Sheppard, same with Weir, and so on. No one on that show was perfect and that's OK.

I'm not saying don't harsh on my squee. Be critical! Don't handwave over everything. but don't hate on me and my pairing or anyone else's. The great thing about fandom is that you can ignore something. There doesn't need to be confrontation. But no one character is useless (except the twins in Heroes, lol); they all have some purpose to the plot line. whether you like that purpose or not is another matter.

My point is, like, don't like who you will. But maybe, if you really hate someone so much, you should stop watching. Or maybe you should take off your hate-goggles and just try to enjoy the show. I mean, I by no means love all the characters at the same time. I've been very upset with Dean until the end of 5x5. I'm still somewhat annoyed at Cas. Sheppard was never forgiven by me for never forgiving McKay of his actions on Duranda. But that doesn't mean I hate the characters. We're dealing with human beings and "the real world". It's not perfect and it certainly can't satisfy everyone.

I've just never seen so much hate in any fandom except these two. I mean, even the Scully hate isn't as extreme (ok, Doggett/Reyes hate comes closer but still no dice), and somehow Heroes manages to be pretty friendly even when the writers ARE fucking it up so bad.

Sometimes, I find myself too middle of the road for this life.

(And in case you're wondering, this isn't directed at any one person/post/whatever. These things bubble up from time to time and I'm sort of annoyed with all the SGU hate right now as well as the Ruby and Castiel hate.)

Why Not Sleepy?

2009-10-17T10:56:04Z

It's 6am and I am still awake. NOT COOL. I'm not even tired anymore.

But I'm writing. And I haven't been able to stop. This is good, in one sense, but totally going to fuck up my sleep schedule even worse now.

SPN 5x6

2009-10-16T20:37:21Z

*long fart noise*

"That wasn't me."

*dead silence as boys somehow manage not to laugh*

*LUCY CHOKES AND HYPERVENTILATES*

That's all I got from that episode. Well, that and I liked Dean's "he's actually a buddy of mine" and that the little kid was so smart. I kind of hope we see him again because I can't really imagine the anti-Christ just handwaving himself off to Australia (but then again, in Revelations, the Anti-Christ is, you know, an adult), but at the same time, it's nice to think someone made a choice and can stick with it. Although then you gotta wonder why, if it was so easy, there aren't 1000 possible Anti-Christs wandering about? I also liked that Castiel did feel bad. He just felt it was his duty. Also, why no other angels? Shouldn't they have been searching for the kid, too? And finally, while I'm still on Sam's side I liked how he and Castiel had this little face-off. I knew Castiel was going to say "you didn't" to Sam. It seemed fitting. Sam and Dean had their chat, but Castiel hasn't chewed out Sam yet. But now maybe we can move on?

Boo, 2 week hiatus (as in 2 weeks till next ep). Actually, this coincides well. I'm going to be out of town for next week and wouldn't have computer/TV access anyway. Hey, way to go, CW!

OVARIES AND CAPSLOCK EXPLODING

2009-10-11T02:44:45Z

YOU GUYS, I AM DYING OF THE BABY!MISHA CUTENESS!! SERIOUSLY, I WANT TO MARRY THIS MAN.

And don't take that statement lightly. I'm the girl who puts up with, but is not overly fond of the actors themselves. With maybe the exception of David Hewlett because he's a nut.

BUT I WOULD MARRY MISHA.

HIS SMILE, HOLY HELL. AND HIS BEAUTIFUL, BEAUTIFUL HAIR. CHARMED, NOT MY SHOW. BUT I FORGIVE THEM FOR HAVING MISHA.

He's aged so well, too. I mean, he's not old, obviously. But it's like, there's a few more lines around his eyes and his lips are a little thinner, but beyond that he looks about the same.

(Was it Misha who said one of the Charmed chicks was bitchy? Or was that another Charmed guest star?)

This Week On TV

2009-10-10T21:37:08Z

You know, I'm fascinated that they're now involving a character with a religious background. This whole time, Earth has been fighting off fake religion and trying to help people conquer brainwashing and to encourage them to think for themselves. While we've always had the phrase, "God speed," there was never any real Earth religion. So for a main character in Universe to be raised Catholic...I'm excited. It could be overdone. But I'm going to hope it still comes into play like this week. And that fact that he equates his sin=his priest/father's drinking himself to death? Oh, that poor boy. *hugs Scott*

You know, I almost got a Firefly feel in this ep. The ragtag crew, broken down ship...and the ending song didn't help any. I do like the new feel. Very unlike Stargate. But I like it. I don't get why people are so mad about it "being similar to BSG". I only see the similarities in that, for once, Stargate 'verse isn't shying away from the scary human stuff. Sure we saw guilt over the Hoffan drug, but there was never any true blame passed. Carson should have lost his job over that. Yes, John and Elizabeth were angry about Rodney reviving her using the nanites, but it never had any real lasting effects. Everyone forgave everyone. And SG1 had this focus solely on the aliens out there, less about the personal stuff (not to say it didn't have any, but it was more limited). It's darker and bleaker, but ultimately, that's what I find provides hope. The sacrifices for others, conquering problems together even amidst fights. John sacrificing himself the 10th time makes for a good psychotherapy session but less good TV because we know he's coming back. I like to think SGU will take more risks like BSG and kill off people. Make them all have to work harder. But I don't think that makes it copying BSG. There's lots of sci-fi out there like that and I'm glad Stargate Universe has stepped it up a notch.

First off, IMDB lied to me! It said Castiel was in this ep.

So, why are there always references to Jared's work? I want some off-handed reference to Devour or Ten-Inch Hero. I get in this context, Jared and Paris were both in HoW. But still.

Yes, it was funny and gory. And ok, given Paris' bit about now that the apocalypse has been set, tons MORE supernatural beings are going to feel free to gorge. But the ep just didn't feel right in the midst of it all. It took itself too lightly.

Even if I will never look at a wax figure the same again.

Although!! This episode did make my night because Sam finally stood up for himself and Dean finally admitted his fault in this whole apocalypse bit. I FEEL BETTER. I can't be mad at Dean anymore. For which I am happy about.

Fringe:

I was bored this week until the last 15 minutes or so. Although the Walter/whats-her-name scenes were cute, they were also painful. I mean, the man drugged you when you were a teenager. Stockholm, much? At the same time, it was nice to hear someone being grateful for being special (besides Hiro) because everyone else pisses and moans about not being normal.

Eastwick:

Adorable as ever. And that geek has one smokin' body. Seriously, the man is Clark Kent. He's got the dorky attitude, chivalrous persona, wears glasses, works at a newspaper, and Darryl even referred to Joanna as 'Lois Lane'. Really? ♥

NCIS:

What's with my TV shows and the "Strangers on the Train" bit? Last week's Castle and now this week's NCIS. Castle did it better though, it not only kept the integrity of the plot, but it was better enacted. Although I did love the polygraph chick totally digging McGee. Awww.

How long is Supernatural's hiatus?

Challenge

2009-10-07T03:26:45Z

Hey! I doubt many people will read this that don't already know about it, nonetheless, you should all get your cute butts over to deancastiel where there's a big AU/Fusion challenge going on! Prompting till tomorrow still sometime, claiming after. Some great prompts ready for cracktastic fics! And some that can be very serious and angsty. YAY. I even put in a few prompts myself. And there's tons I hope get made. Don't forget, you can make art, too! Go, look! What are you still doing reading this entry?

Supernatural Icon Dump

2009-10-03T05:44:35Z

[65] Ruby 1.0 and 2.0
[19] Supernatural misc (Castiel, demons)

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Created with angelamaria's Icon Table Generator @ Bauble

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Created with angelamaria's Icon Table Generator @ Bauble

RESOURCE POST

Maker's Notes:
1-65 and 6-19 all made for ruby_stills
1-5 made for deancas_stills

12 winner Challenge 22 Mod's Choice
14 winner Challenge 23 Mod's Choice
16 winner Challenge 23 Best Crop
11 winner Special Challenge 4 Second Place

Comment, credit mf_luder_xf, enjoy!