Alright, so I am qualifying my statement with I haven't seen this week's (or last week's for that matter) SPN episode. However, I am getting progressively angrier as I scroll through tumblr. At this point, I'm beginning to think it's less the John haters in the wrong as the writers.
If the episode plays out as it appears it does - with allusions to bruises on Dean from John, with John saying Dean can rot in jail - I am furious and shame on the writers. Is John a perfect father? Absolutely not. He was absent. He was even negligent, leaving an 8 year old to care for a 4 year old. He yelled at his kids and raised them very much as soldiers. He had some harsh words for Dean after the shtriga incident - but you know what? My mom has had harsh words for me when I did something that did or nearly caused dramatic harm to myself or another. Did John place too much responsibility on a young child? Absolutely. But John loved those boys. He loved Mary. He thinks he's right in everything because he's a strong stubborn man and thus, for all S1 one, he leaves the boys on their own. But Shadows admits that the boys are his weakness. John wants to PROTECT them, so he stays away. He hugs them. He CRIES. He apologizes for fighting with Sam. He tells Dean to KILL HIM so that the demon riding his body does not kill them. He comes back as a ghost to kill the demon to PROTECT his children - not himself. He is NOT the righteous man, John does not torture while in Hell.
What, of any of that, much less considering the flashback scenes in S4, indicate John was an abuser? What of that says he'd let Dean rot? If nothing more than he depended and demanded Dean look after Sam. Which is not what John thought about Dean.
Look, I understand abusive relationships are very complex. I am not denying that. I know men will hit their wives and then be loving for days/however long after. I have been a victim of abuse and seen it happen to others firsthand. I am not denying complexity. But this dramatically shown physical abuse from John is so OOC, I can't even handle it. And I hate that after 9 years, now John haters feel vindicated and are crowing over how they've been right all along when Eric Kripke - creator of the show - did not write John that way. If this is their interpretation, along with their bullshit of Castiel this season (not to mention the last 4 seasons), I am SO DONE. They have turned my show into something I hardly recognize anymore.